Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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