just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
