I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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