By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
