I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
