Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
