I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
