If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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