We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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