this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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