we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
