This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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