I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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