Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
