just tell him i said nine months
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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