i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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