I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
