apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
