I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
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It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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