I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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