I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
