What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
