things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
