he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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