This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
