I need to stop coming to work sober
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize