Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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