i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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