I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you didnt know i had herpes?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
