yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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