I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
