I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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