Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
