I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
