Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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