The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
