I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
