just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
