so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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