i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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