That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
