I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
