He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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