new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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