two words: eviction party
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
