break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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