I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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