I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
