where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?