what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"