WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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