Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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