you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
