were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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