so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
