Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
