I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
