did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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