Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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