I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
