Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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