look no pants
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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