In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's shark week go big or go home
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize