I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
