theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
im on a boat
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