I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's the barista slut.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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