Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
