Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize