I cannot find my penis.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
