are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
