It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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