She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Still dying that you shit outside
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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