Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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