Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
