I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
